I need some gummy glue

My mind is falling apart. I need some leverage to my thoughts ir emotions.. Or ill go insane. There are days that i envy other people who are like people magnets, with a lot of people around them to their aid and rescue when they need some comforting. Its something that i dont have ir will never have. Im resolved everyday walking alone telling myself im ok. There are moments that i want to pour my sentiments but no one cares to listen (genuinely). There are days that i want to become veronika or summer or susie, but my instincts for survival and reasoning are still attached. I thought i wont be writing here anymore but it seems that i would still need to talk to myself through this tobe sane.

I hate.myself... I have tobe this self. Im tired of waiting